Our Birth of Layla Grace

Layla was born in the country of Belgium and into her mother’s hands at 7:50 in the evening on May 10, 2006. She weighed 6 pounds 7oz.

Since my 3 year old daughter Mary and I are night owls, we stayed up late on Tuesday night. The next day, my husband Henry had left for work quite early that morning but Mary and I were still asleep. Around 10am I was lying in bed and felt a rush. It was different than the Braxton hicks I had been having for over a month. Not to mention I had never experienced one while lying down. Mary was still asleep so I just laid there and waited to see if any more came. They continued to come and around 10:30 Mary awoke. She wanted her morning nursing time with mom and that made the rushes stronger but still not regular. Around 11am we both got up and I wanted to see if changing positions made them go away. I called Henry’s work but he wasn’t at his desk. I hopped in the shower and I could still feel the rushes but far less as the water felt nice and distracted me from what I was feeling. They were not painful yet and I didn’t have to concentrate to deal with them. I called Henry on his cell phone and told him I was probably in labor. Sometime after the birth, I asked Henry if he thought I was calling because I was in labor. He said not at all because my voice sounded like I was just calling to see how he was doing, as I always do. That seemed funny to me since lately he had started to answer the phone by asking “Are we having a baby?” or “Are you O.K.?” He made it home some time around 12 and we ate lunch. We kept track of the contractions for around an hour and then called our midwife Lieve. She was helping another mother at a hospital and might not be able to attend our birth. One of the other midwifes would attend in her place. Henry and I really wanted Lieve to be there. She is very caring and believes all women know how to give birth to their babies. We were disappointed that she might not be able to make it to our birth but we went on about our day. A little while later Lieve called us. She was back and would be there for us whenever I felt like I needed her. That was wonderful news.

About 6 weeks before this, we had ordered and received a belly cast in the mail. We procrastinated until it was now or never. So while I was getting rushes, I stood in the living room next to the table, Henry plastered my belly and Mary watched the movie Brother Bear. After we were done, I went and took a shower and Henry cleaned up the mess around the table, pulled out our hospital bag, just in case it we needed to go, and our laundry basket filled with things for the homebirth. We wanted to go to the store for some fresh fruit and easy meals for the midwives to snack on. I started to feel like the labor was getting to a point where I needed to stay at home and focus. Henry was upstairs cleaning Mary’s play room and I called up to him “Henry, whatever you are doing you need to stop. We need to go to the store now.” We all hopped in the car. Once at the store, I would stop and sway with the rushes as they were getting more intense. When we were getting in the car to go home I felt a really good one and had to stop, get outside the car and then lean in on the seat and sway my hips back and forth. We arrived home and called Lieve back. She asked how I was doing and I said I’m doing fine but that she should head over. I have to say that time was almost irrelevant to me during this birth, which is why my timeline may be off a little. That is something I am happy of though. So much different than Mary’s birth where, at the hospital, the clock dictated my “progress”, not my body and baby. Our next task was to start filling the birth pool. It was set up in the living room and now all Henry had to do was fill it with warm water. Lieve arrived a little bit later. The pool was still being filled but I was feeling good and didn’t need to get in. I showed Lieve the belly cast we just did and Mary showed her the play room. She checked my blood pressure, which was fine and listened to Layla’s heartbeat. It sounded good. Lieve said she would quietly work on her paperwork. If we needed her she would come to us and help. Henry just continued filling the pool and Mary “helped”. She really just splashed the water and played with the hose. As the rushes came I would find Henry so he could help. I sat on the birth ball a little bit but found it much more comfortable to lean forward on our kitchen counter or Henry and sway my hips. As time went on I needed to hang from Henry’s neck with my arms stretched around his shoulders and then let my legs and bottom relax down with each rush, like a squat. We also would sway back and forth like a slow dance. At some point I asked Henry for a plain cheese sandwich. He brought me that and a banana with gateraid and water to drink. While Daddy was filling the pool he was also tending to Mary and taking care of me, especially when I needed him during a rush. It was wonderful to be able to depend on him.

Sometime around 5pm we were ready to get in the pool. Mary had taken off all her clothes the minute Daddy started to fill the pool and was very excited it was ready now. We reminded her to go pee-pee before getting in, to be gentle and not to play too hard as I had to concentrate. We were in the pool a little while and Lieve checked the water and said it was a little cool and that we should warm it up so my contractions would stay strong. Henry and Lieve just took some water out with buckets, turned the hot water back on and in a few minutes Mary and I were back in the water. At the right temperature it felt much better. Mary of course wanted mama’s milk while she was swimming. Lieve explained how right now I was feeling alright with her nursing even during rushes but we may need to explain to Mary that as the rushes became stronger and stronger I may need my space from her to concentrate. Mary wasn’t completely happy about that but did very well and listened to Daddy and Lieve when I was rushing and couldn’t hold or talk to her. The rushes seemed to be coming closer together. While in the pool I sat on my knees with my legs opened and tried to keep my face and mouth and bottom very relaxed. With each rush I would turn to Henry, who was sitting next to the pool, and hold onto his neck. I also started slowly and deeply moaning “Ooopppeeennn” to myself. I kept thinking about my cervix and vagina stretching for my baby and “Opening Up”. I felt warm, comfortable and weightless in the water. It was very easy to move about. There was enough water in the pool for me to float. Henry and I would sometimes kiss during a rush or just afterward. It was so loving and comforting after feeling such strong pressure. I had thought of walking around the block earlier that day and after a very strong rush Henry asked me, “So are you ready to take that walk now?” He and I both laughed as there was no way I was getting out of the water at this point. I was really unable to focus on anything going on around me. Earlier when my rushes started getting stronger, Lieve had sat down next to the pool to watch and help. She also checked Layla’s heartbeat again and it sounded just fine. Henry or Lieve took Mary out of the pool and I believe she walked around and played a bit and asked them questions, especially when I moaned loudly. I felt like it was coming close but I also wanted it to go slower than Mary’s birth. While having Mary, during the “pushing stage” I tore and the hemorrhoids I had during pregnancy got even worse. This time I felt my contractions at the front of my uterus instead the back labor I felt with Mary. Henry said “I think you’ll have the baby by 8 o’clock and I said “Please don’t say that”. He said O.K. but didn’t understand why that bothered me until we talked later that evening. It felt distracting to look at a clock and I didn’t want to feel disappointed if by 8 our baby still wasn’t here, especially while the rushes were coming so close together. At some point they were coming very close and with such intensity that I told Henry I didn’t know if I could do this. He said I could do it and some other words of encouragement. I wish I could remember exactly what he said to me. I do remember that his words helped me to feel that everything was going to be just fine. Henry said after the birth he also knew I was getting close because I would open my eyes really wide with each rush, like I had with Mary. At some point one of the rushes felt so intense I closed my legs. Henry reminded me to open my legs and let it happen. I believe the next rush I felt this strange Pop, like when you are blowing bubble gum and then close your mouth around the bubble and pop it in your mouth. It felt similar to that but just in my vagina. I think it was my water breaking. There was no pain, just a strange feeling. It was much better than having my membranes stripped. Throughout the birth I would feel my vulva so I could tell if anything had changed. Then I felt this powerful baring down sensation. It didn’t feel like pushing. Instead my uterus was just contracting my little one out. I felt like she was coming out of my butt. Lieve was very comforting and said she knows that is a strange feeling but that it was O.K. Then Henry said I made this moan within a moan and he knew it was time. I felt my vulva and Layla’s head crowned. I held her head in my hands as it came out. I felt burning and tried to go as slow as I could since I didn’t want to rip this time. I felt the top roundness of her head and stroked her soft hair. I felt the top of one of her little ears as well. With the next one her head came out all the way. I was holding onto Henry and then unconsciously floated my lower body out to the side and put one leg out strait, as if I was lying on my side but still floating in the water. Her shoulders came out. Lieve got Mary’s attention, as she was playing and said “Look! Here the baby comes.” Mary ran over to the side of the pool. I looked down, put my hands under Layla’s arms and pulled her onto my chest. There she was our little baby. We wanted the sex to be a surprise and Henry saw that she was a girl. Layla Grace was finally here with us. She was in my arms; wet, sticky and covered with vernix and lanugo. We stayed in the pool for a little while and then, with Layla still attached to the umbilical cord, I moved to our large couch and wrapped Layla in a blanket. I was so happy to see no blood in the pool and that my perineum was completely intact. In fact the only time I bled during the birth was when the placenta came out. Mary was more interested in this then when Layla was coming. She called the placenta a piece of meat and loved Lieve showing her how it worked. Once I had delivered the placenta Daddy and Mary cut the umbilical cord. A few days later we planted it along with two magnolia trees; one tree for Layla and one for Mary.

I am rh- and decided instead of receiving a rhogam shot I would take a more natural approach. I did a lot of research online and read the book Anti-D in Midwifery Panacea or Paradox by Sara Wickham, which helped me make my decision. I wanted the birth to be as gentle as possible and to avoid as many interventions as possible during my pregnancy and birth such as taking the Rhogam vaccine (which they do not administer during pregnancy here in Belgium like it is routinely done in the States), excessive ultrasounds, amniocentesis, and stripping of my membranes. I also wanted the3rd stage of labor to happen naturally with no uterine massage or early cutting of the umbilical cord. In this way I limited any chance of our blood mixing. Layla’s blood type is B+. I feel that due to her calm and unforced birth, we had no mixing of blood and I have thus far not developed any antibodies. I will check again at six months postpartum and if no antibodies have developed it is unlikely they will.

The most wonderful thing to me about Layla’s birth was how it didn’t feel like a frantic or anxious event. Instead it felt loving and natural. It was a normal day. Just that on this normal day we had our baby. Being at home made us feel so at ease. I felt so good about my body and felt so strong and alive. It was so nice to feel whole and normal afterwards. Other than my legs being a little weak, I felt great. I could pee without the pain of stitches and only had slight hemorrhoids this time around. Henry and I felt very much in love instead of tired and stressed. I also felt an overwhelming love for my new daughter, Layla and my lovely lady Mary. As if this is how it was meant to be. It took Henry and I about two weeks to start coming down from such a wonderful day. The first night I did feel tired since I couldn’t get the knack of nursing lying down but there was a marked difference between the exhaustion we felt after having Mary in the hospital and Layla’s homebirth. It was also nice to see Mary, right after the birth, going about her “normal routine” around the house. She didn’t feel any stress or separation from Henry or I. Mary also spent a lot of time holding and looking at her little sister and talking about the birth. It was a blessing to have Lieve as our midwife. She was calming, very knowledgeable and respectful of the female body and the birth process. She helped me make decisions about my care and birth and then supported whatever decision I made. It was refreshing to not be checked internally through out this pregnancy and birth. It is Lieve’s belief that unless I wanted to be checked, with the absence of trouble signs, she would let nature take its course. It was so freeing to be surrounded by my loving family and midwife. Then while giving birth to feel weightless in a pool of warm water…Ahhhhh. For me, Layla’s birth has shown me that amazing things can fit quite naturally into my everyday life.